Done with errors

Child #2: “Mummy, can we sell a few of my pants?”

Daddy: “Oh, you’ve made a model village. That’s nice.” Child #2: “Yeah, I’m going to desecrate it next.”

Child #2: “Mummy, when we die you and daddy can wear necklaces with our tongues on them.”

Daddy: “I think I’m in love with the satnav lady.” Mummy: “She’s out of your league.”

Child #2 [sitting in a moving car and listening to the satnav]: “Daddy, when are we reaching our destiny?”

Mummy is disgusted that Daddy grabbed a quick loaf of bread from Greggs. Then, a few minutes later… Mummy: “Is it sourdough?”

Child #2 [pointing to Child #1’s stomach]: “You’re tummy is so big. When you’re older you’re bound to get pregnant.”

Child #2: “I don’t like it but I want to do it so I can get rid of my afraidance.”  

[The following conversation is overheard while the kids are in the bath] Child #1: “You’re drinking dirty water. Quick – let’s call Water Aid!”  

Child #2: “If you want to kill a cat you have to throw boiling water on it.” Mummy: “Why would someone want to kill a cat?” Child #2: “To eat it” Mummy: “Who would want to eat a cat?” Child #2: “People in other countries. Like Keynsham.”