Done with errors

Daddy: “So, what did the doctor say to you at the hospital?” Child #2: “He said ‘Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh’”

Child #2 [looking at the newspaper daddy is reading]: Who’s that? Daddy: That’s Alistair Campbell. Child #2: Does he have a winkie?

Child #2: “Where’s Mummy?” Daddy [reassuringly]: “Don’t worry. She’s just popped out for a while. She’ll be back soon.” Child #2 [thinks for a minute]: “Then we better hide!”

Child #1 is playing with her Gameboy. Daddy [wonders out loud]: “I wonder how old the Gameboy is now?” Child #1: “It can’t be very old because it’s still very small.”

#5 in a series of sentences you never thought you’d hear yourself saying: “Don’t wipe your bottom on the carpet”

#4 in a series of sentences you never thought you’d hear yourself saying: “Don’t cough into the saucepans”

“If you don’t buy me a scooter I will wipe my nose on you.”

Mummy: “Don’t keep spitting on the mirror.” Child #2 [disappointed]: “But I love it!”

“Can you not disturb me. I’m playing my trumpet.”