Done with errors

[directed towards me] Child #2: “You stink. I’m going to chop your bottom off.” Child #1: “I’m going to punch your face right through your winkie.”

[We’ve been teaching Child#1 how to say ‘Cheers’ in French] Child#1 [Raises her glass]: “Salad”

Child#2: “Look, ducky’s making a chuffle!” [We can’t think of a word that describes the trail something makes as it’s dragged across a beach, so ‘chuffle’ it is.]

I very rarely get wrong numbers on my mobile. Maybe once a year. Once a year, that is apart from one particular week, when I’m abroad and Virgin Mobile are charging me £1 to pick up a message. During those times I’ll get two or three. Old Jamaican ladies asking their sons to come and […]

Child#2: “Peary dogs”

Child#2: “Dreggins”

Child#2: “that’s daindrous”

Daddy: “Here you are” Child#2: “Thankyou. What is it?” Daddy: “It’s a Jaffa Cake.” Child#2 [runs into the next room holding it]: “Mummy! Mummy! Look – it’s a deffacate!”

Daddy: “You’ve been good, I think you deserve a treat” Child #1 [thinks for a bit]: “For my treat I’d either like some chips or to go to the pub.”

[The children are down late sneaking a watch at the Victorian Pharmacy on TV] Daddy: “Look kids. Potassium chloride. Daddy knows where to find that in the wild. When we go camping we can make a bomb if you like.” Mummy [overhearing the conversation]: “Nooooooo. We’re not…” [pause] “…going camping.”