Done with errors

Child#2: “Can I have some more of that Indian Toxic Water?”

Child #1 [in bed, pointing at Child#2]: “She did a farty in my ear with her bare bottom.”

Child #2 [proudly]: “I’ve always wanted to try it.”

[The Christmas lights are on a timer in a small space under a cupboard]

Daddy: “Can you get the the timer, please?”

Child #2: “No, because spiders wee and poo under there.”

Child #2 [grinning]: “I’ve done a fatulence”

Child #2: “Put that one down on Done With Aeros.”

Mummy: “[child#2] wants to play the hornet.”

[While planning December 25th]

Mummy: “No! I’m not having Christmas completely taken over by festive stuff!”

Child #2: “I ate something funny and then it hurt in my in-testes.”

Child #2: “This place will be spick and spot when I’m finished!”

Child #2 [overheard from the next room speaking to her sister]: “If you look into mint it really hurts your eyes.”