Done with errors

Child #1: “Where are Grandma and Grandad?”
Mum: “They’ve gone out to the pub to have their tea”
Child #1: “But it’s dark”
Mum: “Yes, but adults eat later than you do, you’ve already had your tea.”
Child #1: “But how will they see their food?”

Child #1 [getting ready for school, looking through her wardrobe and not happy]: All my clothes are disapointed.

Child #1 [lying in bed in the dark]: I’ve got a statue on my tongue

Child #1: There’s a lady at church called Roger who used to be a nurse.

[I guess she used to be something else, too]

Child #1 [has wet her pants and is upstairs asking for a new pair]

D: It’ll be night time soon. Just put your skirt back on and come down for tea.

Child #1: But if I sit at the table like that everyone will be able to see my front bottom.

Child #1: My poo is really flat.

Child #1 [comes back from school with mummy]: Hello

D: How was your day?

Child #1: I forgot.

M: What do you mean you forgot – you’ve only just come back.

Child #1 [thinks for a bit]: I definitely remember we did home-time.

Want to try this Heston Blumenthal recipe. Looks mad. The only problem is that this is the recipe used at the restaurant – with all the process and ingredients that I just don’t have. Might attempt it with gelatine – any thoughts?

Yolk
400g Swede juice passed through chinois
0.4g saffron
2.4g salt
20g chardonnay vinegar
0.9g Gellan LT100

Infuse the swede juice with saffron for 6 hours in fridge and strain. Combine juice, salt and chardonnay vinegar into Thermomix and bring up to 100°c on full heat on speed 2. Remove lid and add the gellan. Blitz on speed setting 4 for 2 minutes on full heat. Heat the sauce dispenser so the gel will not set to quickly and dispense into oil sprayed egg moulds. Allow to set for 10 minutes on workbench before dispensing white.

White
110g Double cream
380g passed turnip juice
4g salt
10g fish sauce
0.8 Gellan LT100
0.2 Gellan F0.8 Guar Gum

Combine cream, juice, salt and fish sauce into thermomix and bring to 100C on full heat on speed setting 2. Remove lid and add Gellans and Guar Gum. Blitz for 2 minutes on speed setting 4 on full heat. Dispense on to the yolk in moulds and allow too set overnight.

C#1 [in June]: For Christmas I want a mote control.

D: You mean a remote control?

C#1: No. A mote control.

D: What’s that then?

C#1: It’s like a hole punch but it doesn’t make holes – it makes games.

[Extra points for you if you can work out what it is she was talking about. It took me a few hours.]

Child #2 [randomly, to me, with a cross look on her face]:  No, you’re the best.